Choosing the Right Therapist is Smart Step in Self-Help Strategy
by Florence Conner
Karl was a very good customer service rep, but he was always late. If the report was due on his boss' desk on Friday, it'd be there the following Friday. If the meeting started at 9 a.m., he wouldn't get there until 9:30 --- or later. Even though Karl worked long hours, his colleagues knew better than to schedule meetings first thing in the morning because Karl was always at least 15 minutes late to work.
But the last straw came when Karl was supposed to meet a client at the airport, and he showed up two hours after the plane had landed --- and an hour after the fuming customer took a taxi straight to his boss' office.
"My chronic lateness has been a problem I've never been able to lick, and I couldn't understand why," Karl says. "When my boss and I talked about it, he suggested counseling, but I had no idea where to go for help."
Karl's not alone. There are times in our lives when we need more that just a friend to talk to or a stiff upper lip. It may be as devastating as a divorce or as frustrating as poor time management, but during those rough times, we could use professional help to wade through the confusion and come up with workable solutions to life's problems.
Finding a therapist can be frustrating and time consuming in itself. While few of us would have trouble asking around for a good mechanic when our car's not running right, many of us find it difficult to admit we sometimes need help navigating life's bumpy roads. Since the best therapists come from referrals from satisfied patients, finding a therapist takes time, patience, and the courage to speak up --- both when you need help and when you've been helped.
To gather several names, talk to trusted friends and family members, along with your doctor or clergy. Consult your company's employee assistance program (EAP) or benefits plan for a list of approved therapists in your area. The Mental Health Association of Chattanooga also provides free and confidential information and referrals.
However, a list of names isn't enough --- you won't really know if a therapist is the right one for you until you sit down and talk with him or her. And that sometimes means talking with several therapists before making a final choice.
"Look at the first session as an interview," says Mary K. Radpour, MSSW, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in marriage and family counseling in Chattanooga. "Many clinicians don't charge for a preliminary session or will charge only a nominal fee. It may only be a 20-minute session or a conversation by phone, but that's enough time to have your questions answered."
What to look for
Here's a short list of the qualities you should look for when choosing a therapist:
- Training and experience
- The therapist you choose should be trained and licensed to provide counseling. Professional counselors include psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, pastoral counselors, psychiatric nurses and marriage/family counselors.
- "The vast majority of clinical treatment is done by licensed clinical social workers," Radpour says. "Psychiatrists tend to work with people whose problems are related to a biochemical imbalance, such as manic-depressive illness and clinical psychologists may often specialize, such as treating learning disorders in children or obsessive compulsive behavior in adults."
- A therapist should also have some expertise in the area you need help. When Amy decided to seek help for her continuing bouts with depression, she wanted an expert. "My doctor gave me the names of several therapists who'd treated many people life me," Amy says.
- Many people seek out therapists with similar interests or backgrounds. Families and couples in crisis will often seek out a pastoral counselor, such as the Rev. Dr. Jim Philpott, ThD., a pastoral counselor assigned to the Chattanooga district of the United Methodist Church.
- "Christianity is rich with metaphors," Philpott says. "We all know what it's like to lose our way in life or in a relationship --- it's very similar to that of a sinner being lost from God. We use those symbols and metaphors to help people find their way again.
- Professional Attitude
- A professional attitude toward your relationship and the work is also important, the counselors say. Because therapy often includes dealing with confusing emotions, a therapist-patient relationship provides a safe structure in which those emotions can be sorted out.
- Hollie, a 28-year-old registered nurse changed therapists when he began making personal comments. "When I told him about problems in my relationship, he'd say 'if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't treat you that way,'" she says. "It made me uncomfortable that he was looking at out sessions from a personal point of view."
- Personal Rapport
- But even though there's a professional relationship, there should be warmth, support and mutual respect --- qualities that are obvious from the very beginning.
- "The first therapist I when to had an office straight out of Architectural Digest, not a place for people to relax and open up," says Colleen, a 26-year-old mother of two dealing with low self-esteem. "Bob's office was just the opposite --- the only artwork was his kid's fingerpaintings. I knew instantly he was someone I could talk to."
Destination: Success
For our time-challenged friend Karl, success came not when he learned that his tardiness came as a reaction to his strict upbringing and distrust of authority. Success for Karl came when he discovered that he wasn't always late, in fact, he was only late to events about which he was anxious. As he began to discover what triggered these responses and how to deal with them, he began to consistently deliver projects on time, show up on time for work and meetings and never keep anyone waiting. All were hard-earned habits that helped him gain confidence, improve self-esteem --- and ultimately, a promotion.
"A good therapist will not address an issue without giving you the tools to solve it," Radpour says. "The best therapist is the one who helps you discover your strengths and shows you how to use those strengths to solve your problems."
Flo Conner is a freelance writer in Chattanooga, Tennessee, who has never, ever missed a deadline, promise.
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